Fake nails... I feel like Dolly Pardon in 9-5

Ever since I was little and watched Nine to Five  with Dolly Pardon typing away with her long fingernails, I have wanted to have long nails that I could type with too! Like long, pretty manicured nails that look cool and pretty. Not like my gnarly, phyllo-dough nails.

But this weekend, I saw my friend Lolita and she is so funny and wild and cool and I just love hanging out with her! I tried on her Native American dresses (I look HOT in them) and gave me a picture of herself when he was younger and then she gave me a box of fake nails. They are pink with white tips. I was giddy.

So I came home and decided to try them on and see how they do. First, I can't type with those things on. Hats off to Dolly Pardon! I can't open anything either. Thank goodness Dolly Pardon has assistants! And I am not even going into the whole wiping my arse debacle! Ouch.

Last night I fell asleep and I am now covered in scratches, including one in my left eyeball. I finally just had to rip them off. The problem there is that I super glued them onto my nails. As I ripped them off, I also removed several layers of my nails on every finger (did you know nails have layers?). My fingers are now sore and feeling quite bruised. I cried like a sissy when I ripped them off. But at least now I can type and update the blog again.

Beauty IS pain! Screw that. I'll stick with my stubby, ugly, boy nails. Thankyouverymuch!