My friends and I have the running phrase called "Shining Mommy Moments" for the times when we do something absent-minded or stupid that we should probably have our kids toted off to a safe house for the rest of the year. Here are a few "shining Mommy Moments" of mine.
Shining Mommy Moment #1: The "I don't have money!" tantrum
You know those whining, bratty kids in the store that make you want to spank the parent? Well, one day, when my oldest son was almost three, I was in the check out line
of the local grocery store standing behind a bratty kid. He was whining and stomping his feet stating he wanted a candy bar. The mom whined a little about not being able to afford it and the kid got louder and whinier and started the full-body, arm swinging, foot stomping tantrum and screamed "BUT I WANT A CANNY BAR!". The mom quickly grabbed one to shut him up which worked, finished paying and left.
My little three old darling decided to try this little tactic. Big mistake. I don't buckle as easy as the spineless mom. He started with a sweet little "Can I hab a canny bar, mom?" I said "No, Honey, I don't have the money for one." He started to whine a little and said "buuut, moooooom, I want one." I just looked at him with the mom look of "Are effing kidding me!?" and said "Well, I don't have money so you aren't getting one." At this point he decided to try the all out tantrum. I told him to knock it off, he wasn't getting a candy bar, especially acting like that. When that didn't work, he threw himself to the floor and started kicking his feet and screaming.
Usually I am pretty laid back and rather casual. But I was so ticked off that my son would act like this in public. He never acted like that in public before and I can guarantee you he has never done it since then either. What came over me, I will never know. But I figured if he could act like a horse's behind in the store, then so could I! Instead of ripping him off the floor and beating his butt like I wanted to, I decided I would show him how ridiculous he looked. At that, I threw myself to the floor too and went into a full tantrum right along with him. I was kicking, thrashing my arms, rolling around on the floor and screaming "I DON'T HAVE MONEY! I WANT TO HAVE MONEY! WHY CAN'T I HAVE MONEY!"
Everyone in the store stopped and stared at me making a complete fool of myself and gawked at the crazy lady throwing a tantrum. My oldest son was mortified. He started begging me to stop until he was nearly in tears. Finally I stopped mid tantrum, sat up, gave the "you are in so much trouble mister!" look and said "Are y'done yet?" He whimpered "uh-huh." I said "Are y'gonna try that little stunt out in public ever again?" He whimpered "no". At which point I said "Good!" stood up, picked him up and marched out of the store... amidst a round of applause and cheers.
I was SO embarrassed I could've died. But he never threw another fit in public again.
Shining Mommy Moment #2: "I ran over the dog with the c-a-r"
We were helping run an animal rescue for abandoned dogs and cats when we lived in Tennessee. We had quite a few momma dogs and their litters dropped on our doorstep at one time. We ended up with something like 9 cats, 16 dogs and two birds at one point. Each pet was given a name, fed, cleaned and found a home (and neutered or spayed if we could afford it)
I hated pulling into the driveway because their were so many dogs and they would all run to the car. I finally figured out a trick of opening the window, tossing biscuits to the dogs and then I could slowly inch to the house. Well, it worked for awhile.
One night I worked late and got home after the boys were in bed. Let me rephrase that, the boys were SUPPOSED to be in bed. I inched forward counting the dogs to make sure there weren't any in front that I would run over. Somehow, between sleep deprivation and a hyper pack of dogs, I either miscounted or one of them ran around the car while I was counting the dogs on the other side. A few ran off after the biscuits and the rest were waiting for me to open the door so they could get lovings and pettings before I went in.
So I slowly start inching forward and all is going well for about two feet and then I hit a bump and heard a loud yelp. Man, my heart sank. I jumped out of the car and there was my baby black lab... my favorite one... the one I was going to keep... I'll spare you the gruesome details. Let's just say I was absolutely hysterical, heartbroken, crying, shaking... mostly hysterical though.
I ran to the house and, thinking that the boys would be sleeping at one in the morning, I yelled to my husband, "OH MY GOD! I just ran over Princess P.P.!" I hear a loud manly "What?!" and then a small, shaking, sad, devastated little, "You ran over my dog?" from the other direction. Ooops. Guess there is no way we can make up a story of a band of traveling gypsies who came by at 1 a.m. and wanted a dog.
He and his brother were both awake. My husband went outside and took care of Princess P.P. and we buried her. But oh the heartache of hearing my little boys voice with that sad shakey "You ran over my dog?" when I thought they would be sleeping. I felt SO bad!
Shining Mommy Moment #3: Did you hurt the wall?
My youngest son went through a drama queen stage. Bump a toe? He acted like his foot fell off. Bumped his head? You'd have thought someone hit him with a cast iron skillet. He was getting pretty good with the melodrama and I was trying to get him to stop. So I started hamming it up a little. If he was just crying because he dropped something, I would get all melodrama on him and start sobbing "Oh the pain! Oh the horror! Oh the INHUMANITY of it all!" and then throw the back of my hand to my forehead and finish off with a "How will I evuh manage" and hysterical sobbing. For the most part it worked. He would end up belly laughing at me.
For minor injuries I quit with the "brush it off, you're all good!" because it made him more hysterical. Instead I started being a little silly. If he bumped his leg on the coffee table, I would run over all worried, arms outstretched... go right past him and straight to the table and gasp "Oh my gosh! Is the table okay!? I don't see any scuffs or anything! I think it's going to make it!" He would laugh at that too.
But one day I felt like the world's biggest ass of a mom. He running along and ran SMACK, face first into the wall because he wasn't watching where he was going. He grabbed his face like usual and went into a hysterical cry... like usual. So I ran over and gasped "Did you hurt the wall?" and heard him say some muffled crying tone of "(inaudible) my nose". I looked at the wall and nearly fainted. There was a trimming nail sticking out of the wall just a little but and it was surrounded by little flecks of blood. I turned quickly and pulled his hands away from his face to see blood come pouring off his nose.
I was mortified. He got ice cream for dinner. I am an asshole. He still has the scar.
This is getting rather long... I'll share more later.
Soooooo, what's your shining mommy moments?
And here is a pic of us in San Diego at the Shelter Island Park. :) He was crab hunting and I was waiting to see our sail boat sail under the Coronado bridge.
