I just spent two days at my mother in laws house so I can continue to work. I am not sure it is worth it to me though. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother in law. I took a few years but we get along great now. We do have our disagreements though. Like, I like to sleep. She likes to wake me up every 20 minutes to ask me a question. "Do you care if the boys watch blablabla?" "Did you eat today?" "Did the boys eat today?" and other questions of normal concern for a mother in law. The concern isn't bothering me... the lack of sleep is!

I work third shift at a nursing home. I NEED to be able to function to do my job. Usually the first night is okay until about 3 AM. I start feeling the effects of no sleep in 24 hours or more. I start yawning so much that I might as well just keep my mouth open. My feet start dragging and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I make sure to guzzle of few cups of Octavia coffee. That has me wired for sound and ready to go... and ready to GO! It works wonders. Once at my mother in laws house, I can sleep for about 1 or 2 hours until the boys get up. Once they are up, I try to stay awake. By the time mother in law gets home, I am exhausted from nearly 36 hours with 1 hour of sleep. I hit the couch because if I curl up in a bed, I will not get back up!

That's when every 20 minutes I get woke up... I try to be polite and conscious and but sometimes it is hard to do. And then the kids ask me questions, "Mom, can I have cookies?" no. "Mom, can I have a burrito?" Sure. "Mom, can I go outside?" sure. "MOM! He looked at me funny and said 'nah nah' and hurt my feelings!" *grrrr* By the time 9pm rolls around, I maybe have 3-4 hours of sleep. I make sure the boys are ready for bed, eat a little something, grab coffee, kiss the boys good-night and head out the door for work running on not much more than fumes.

At work, after my eyes are bloodshot from no sleep, after all the coffee in the world stops helping and after my head starts aching from no sleep... that is when I REALLY feel it. My feet and ankles start hurting, my knees throb, my shoulders ache, my back kills me and I just hurt all over. But I still have to do it. And now with more people to get up on the get up list, I am dying when 5:30 AM hits. By the time I leave, I look like crap, I am walking around in a daze, not much makes sense to me anymore and coffee becomes a laxative. I make it to my mother in laws house in time for her to leave. I collapse on the couch after setting up the breakfast for the boys. I sleep until 11am... a whole 3 hours of sleep. Then we usually pack up, clean the house and drive home. By the time I get home, I am on autopilot. I am too tired to think and do anything... yet, I have to start laundry, dinner, cleaning, homeschooling books, etc. That night we usually have movie night with popcorn and I never make it past the first couple of names that run across the screen. That's even if I make it past the movie makers logo.

It gets better the next day. I am groggy all day but I can function. It'd be so much easier if I could just take the boys to work with me. I could sleep normal while at home, get up, drive to work. Lay little Man in a chair to sleep and Miles would push a barrel or cart and find something to do all night. He'd fall asleep on the way home while Little Man and I had breakfast and chatted. Once home, we'd all take a nap, get up to find Little Man playing quietly in the play area of my room and I wouldn't feel like my head was going to float to the clouds by days end.

I really wish that I didn't have to work. If it were up to me, I wouldn't. I love my job! I really do, but the money is almost not worth the paycheck that doesn't cover a thing now that the gas prices are so high that it costs me 1/3 of what I earn to drive to work.

I'd rather stay home and ENJOY my life rather than just managing to make it through without collapsing from exhaustion.