One of my residents was transferred to the upper room last night. He went peacefully in his sleep. It was still hard on me though. I was one of the few that could communicate with him since he was deaf and I know enough sign language to get by. There was a while that he would not eat. We couldn't get him to eat anything! I went to the store and bought birthday cake ice cream made by Mayfield. I had just opened it when he seemed to spring to life, sat up on the bed and signed "Bring me some. And a spoon." I did! He sat up and ate the entire bowl. Nearly half a pint. The next night he crawling out of bed and sneaking off again like his old self :) I swore from that day forward I would eat more ice cream to keep myself healthy! LOL
Last night S* came back from loading her linen cart and said that his name popped into her head and she felt compelled to go check on him. She came out a bit flustered and said "Uh, guys, he's dead." We thought she was playing a cruel joke, but when we went into the room, he was really gone. We got the nurse and he confirmed. C* went to get the supplies for death care while I went to smoke a quit cigarette to calm my nerves. Once I had composed myself, I went back in and S* and I cleaned him up, washed him, got him looking good, and covered him with his blanket that has his favorite team. I got teary eyed but I did okay...
And them his family came. I was sent outside to smoke again because they were afraid I would just lose it and start bawling my eyes out. Once the funeral home came to get his body, I helped fold the favorite blanket and then move him to the stretcher. When his daughter came in she praised our work and dedication and how much we genuinely cared for him. My eyes welled up and it was quite emotional for me. After the funeral home and the family left I sat on the bench out in the hall and put his white bear to my face and cried.
I know that C* was trying to be helpful when she started saying that I shouldn't cry, that he is in a better place, etc. BUT I am allowed to mourn a life that is gone. I will celebrate it also, but golly, let me mourn too!
After work I went to my mother in law's house and slept for a couple hours. I was so drained. Dh called while I was on my home. He said his ankle IS broken and they have him in a cast for 4 weeks. I am going to get a care package together for him and send it off... if he would ever send me the address. He's on pain killers right now so I am not expecting him to remember that today. Poor guy! I sort of hope I can head out to California sooner. I found out that we can camp in Wal-Mart parking lots! Pretty cool! I'll have to take that up. At least I'll be right there if I need anything. I am going to check and see if I can find other free places to camp also.
I am so busy planning the trip! I can't wait. Instead of planning day by day (like I was doing) I am planning step by step... Before we leave, Packing, When we get to MS, TX, OK, etc. That way I don't set myself up to feel bad when we don't make the set schedule of (day 1- leave, day 2- arrive in MS in early AM).
I am off to help clean out the van now. I will post my progress on preparations as I have time. I can't WAIT!
Dotchi
I am not talking to myself, I am having a parent-teacher conference
