The Difficult things...

I am trying to write for my writing class. I am finding it very
difficult since I find myself writing about Leslie in some aspect or
another. So I decided to write about the night she died. This is like
salting wounds and learning they never healed. It is still so painful,
but now I really want to write about it and share the story more than
before. I think it would be therapeutic if I did even with as painful as
it is. I miss her so much and I still think about her constantly. Deep
down I feel like I let her and Penny down.

I know she died and I don't really blame myself for that... but Penny.
Oh man did she suffer. She was tortured for 2 hours. I could have drove
there in that time (but I had children to watch). Why didn't the Police
show up a lot sooner? What if I didn't call and pester them? Would they
have ever gone to check on them? What took them so long anyway? I miss
her. And I wish I could have spared Penny the 2+ hours of torture that
she endured. I wish I could bring Leslie back. I wish I had gone
instead. I wish I had insisted she take a loaded gun... or something. I
missed Leslie... I feel for Penny... I wish I could change what happened
and I wish I didn't feel so much grief and pain deep inside. I wish I
had some one who understood what I was going through that I could talk to.

Grieving sucks. I just wish I could move on with my life.

Hello people!

I am so jealous! I heard it is snowing in New Mexico. Now I am jealous.
I want snow. All we have is wind and spit-drizzle they call "rain". I
should add to the definition of rain, that the "any amount of
precipitation" doesn't actually have to hit the ground. Although it is
today. Well, I must run and work on my writing assignment. It was due
two days ago and I still haven't been able to get it done... ooops.

Questions, politics and religion... OH MY!

I am sure you heard the loud pop while reading the last post, abruptly followed by the squishy sloshing sounds. That wasn't the wind and rain that I am missing in Tennessee, that was the can of worms I opened. I have a few emails to answer from it. Nothing big. Everyone has been so nice and polite and I want to extend my thanks and gratitude to all you for that.

Question 1 was about the rain and wind in Tennessee. No, I haven't heard about it. I assume it's bad. It got pretty bad out here too. We had 60 mph winds and there was this weird wet stuff that fell from the sky. Just kidding. It did rain but nothing so fierce as what we experienced in Tennessee. Storm here is generally defined as "Oh. my. goodness! CLOUDS! and WIND! and what is this wet stuff falling from the sky?" Rain is defined as "any amount of precipitation in the air- no matter how minuscule." I have to really ask around when they say it's going to rain so I can figure out if it is the "sneeze" rain or the "drench us for a whole 30 minutes" or the "panic and put up the dodger" kind of rain.

Question 2 was something like "where is God in the UU church?" or what role. I can't remember the exact wording, but you get the idea. My answer is... hmmm, *searching* okay, from wikipedia...

Concepts about deity are diverse among UU's. Some believe that there is no god
(atheism); others believe in many gods (polytheism). Some believe that God is a
metaphor for a transcendent reality. Some believe in a female god (goddess), a
passive god (Deism), a Christian god, or a god manifested in nature or one which
is the "ground of being". Some UUs reject the idea of deities and instead speak
of "universal spirit" or "reverence of life". Unitarian Universalists support
each person's search for truth and meaning in concepts of deity.

Hopefully that answers your question. I can only answer for myself as most people attending a UU church have their own beliefs and their own ideas. To speak for them would be grossly unfair and very arrogant on my behalf.

Question 3 was asking where Jesus was on Sunday. Jesus is not far from the UU church either. While he may miss a Sunday or two, generally you can find him in the second row of the back section during the 9:30 am sermon.

Oh come on! You know it was funny! Flog gently?

What is a UU Church?

I was asked what a UU church is...


UU stands for Unitarian Universalist. I can't explain it better than the card they pass out, so here is a copy of what is said in the card "What do Unitarian Universalists believe?"


WE BELIEVE in the freedom of religious expression. All individuals should be encouraged to develop their own personal theologies, and the to present openly their religious opinions without fear of censure or reprisal.


WE BELIEVE in the toleration of religious ideas. All religions, in every age and culture, possess not only intrinsic merit, but also potential value for those who have learned the art of listening.


WE BELIEVE in the authority of reason and conscience. The ultimate arbiter in religion is not a church, nor a document, nor an official, but the personal choice decision of the individual.


WE BELIEVE in the never-ending search for truth. If the mind and heart are truly free and open, the revelations that appear to the human spirit are infinitely numerous, eternally fruitful, and wondrously exciting.


WE BELIEVE in the unity of experience. There is no fundamental conflict between faith and knowledge, religion and the world, the sacred and the secular, since they all have their source in the same reality.


WE BELIEVE in the worth and dignity of each human being. All people on earth have equal claim to life, liberty, and justice- and no idea, ideal or philosophy is superior to a single human life.


WE BELIEVE in the ethical application of religion. Good works are the natural product of good faith, the evidence of an inner grace that finds completion in social and community involvement.


WE BELIEVE in the motive force of love. The governing principle in human relationships is the principle of love, which always seeks the welfare of others and never seeks to hurt or destroy.


WE BELIEVE in the necessity of the democratic process. Records are open to scrutiny, elections are open to members, and ideas are open to criticism- so that people might govern themselves.


WE BELIEVE in the importance of religious community. The validation of experience requires the confirmation of peers, who provide a critical platform along with a network of mutual support.
--- David O Rankin.

There is a second card I was given also. On the front it says "We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote:"
(On the inside of the card)
~The inherent worth and dignity of every person
~Justice, equity and compassion in human relations
~Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregation.
~A free and responsible search for truth and meaning
~The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within process within our congregations and in society at large.
~The goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all.
~Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Then it goes on to explain where we get our sources of living traditions.

Okay, so I am sure you will have more questions. Feel free to ask and I will answer them.

The basic idea that I explain to people who don't understand is... Imagine a church where all religions are welcome and everyone works for peace. That's the UU church.

Update on us

I have been searching for a picture of all four of us in front of Epiphany but I can't find one. I'll have to ask someone to snap a photo for us. Maybe I'll just post a picture of epiphany and glue us in front. Once I actually have a picture, I'll delete this post so that our first picture of the year will be us and Epiphany (thanks Dad!)

I paid the bills today. Are you okay? You look pale? Yes, I said I paid the bills. Except for the ones that I have to pay in person.

We're fine and all. I've been pretty busy so I haven't had a lot of time to update. The boys get haircuts today! And I need to get a pair of pants. Other than that, I found a UU church we are going to try out. Hubby keeps saying we should find a UU church to go to, so I finally looked up the info. The website is dull and boring but the downloaded newsletter sounds more lively. And the cool thing is, they have two services so if we sleep in, we can make the second service. I will give it three tries. From the newsletter, it sounds interesting and I can't wait to try it.

I am hoping to connect with a few people there. Hoping their kids Religious Ed program is as great as Westside UU. The church seems much larger than in TN. The pictures I saw, I almost fell over. There are a LOT of people.

Well, have to run. I need to shop for food. Something about kids wanting to eat. Next thing you know, they'll be asking for water.